


Stitched Storybook (5+1)

by PeachGO3



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Fantasy, Five Times, Gen, Kissing, M/M, Marvel Reverse Big Bang 2019, Mermaids, Original Six Avengers, Science Fiction, Steampunk, this is very messy high-concept stuff but it turned out sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:40:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21916897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeachGO3/pseuds/PeachGO3
Summary: Five times the Merc wanted to get out of those fake fairytales (and one time he really didn’t).Marvel RBB 2019:original stop-motion videobyThe Friendly PigeonandIt's Majel.
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Thor, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Wade Wilson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10
Collections: Marvel Reverse Big Bang 2019





	Stitched Storybook (5+1)

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first reverse big bang and it was an absolute delight! Giant thank you to everyone involved, especially my lovely beta Jo, the original artists and the mods for managing everything. I hope you enjoy this project; maybe grab a cup of tea, because to me it feels like winter ♡

**-= Ragnarök Rapunzel =-**

Do you ever get the feeling that you somehow don’t belong? That you don’t match the world you’re in? That you’re unable to meet everybody’s expectations?

That’s what Wade Wilson feels like right now, because a blue bird flies over his head, sits down on a flowery branch right in front of his face and starts singing with sparkling eyes full of expectations.

“I won’t sing back, Snow White,” Wade murmurs and puts his fists on his hips. The trees in this forest are so damn green even the Hulk would get jealous. There are flowers everywhere and sunshine is tickling the grass beneath Wade’s feet.

The bird tries again. “I won’t sing back,” Wade says with the assertiveness of a strict parent. “You won’t get my gorgeous singing voice. I may be a Disney property now, but that doesn’t mean I have to sing like a Disney Princess.” But, speaking of which, this world looked like straight out of a Disney movie. “How did I get here anyway?” Wade asks aloud and scratches his head as more and more animals gather around him. There is food left in his microwave. Not only that, but he (out of all superheroes) is hardly the guy for a Disney AU – he has to get home. Wade walks around a bit, leaving the bird and the squirrels and the bunnies behind, only to fall down a cliff hidden behind some willow.

The fall is bad, but nothing too hurtful. The birds have followed Wade to check if he’s all right, they must’ve known this would happen. Wade shakes his head and checks if his weapons are still there. No one is around (except for his chirping buddies), and he sighs.

He gets up to find himself in a valley just as green and flowery as the rest of the forest, if a bit less sunny. In the morning shadows, he spots a folksy tower with flower boxes and purple roofing tiles. “Yeah, right,” Wade laughs, but walks toward it anyway. The birds accompany him. Maybe there’s some wizard who can help him travel home again. “You know who’s living here, right?” Wade asks the birds, but their chirping sounds clueless.

This was surely some cartoon version of ‘live this fairytale to its end to get out of it’.

Right at the foot of the tower, Wade checks for a door, but there isn’t any. However, the top window is opened. “Hello?” Wade calls. No answer. Disney princess… Tower… What was the name again? Rabauke? Gesundheit?

Wade tries: “Oh, Rapunzel! Let down your hair!”

And, indeed, a ridiculously long mane falls out of the window. “You’ve got to be shitting me,” Wade sighs and takes the hair to climb up (which is way more difficult than it sounds). “Wow, Rapunzel,” he pants halfway up, “no knots, no frizz. Your conditioner must be amazing.”

Not caring at all for the small flower and herb pots on the windowsill, Wade jumps inside. The room is dark and smells of… beer?

“Rapunzel?” Wade calls, but then something very hard hits the side of his head and knocks him over. “Ouch!” he calls, but more in indignation than in pain. His eyes catch a glimpse of what’s hit him – “Mewmew?” Wade murmurs, and then the hammer vibrates and flies back into the shadows, just to where all the hair leads.

“Thor?” Wade calls.

“Who is this?” the thunder god’s voice roars.

Wade smiles. “Wow, Thor! I’m so glad you’re here! I thought I was trapped in a Disney picture book or so!” he beams and gets up to walk towards the shadows, but Mewmew hits him again, this time right under the chin.

It takes some time for the two to come together. With a strict expression, Thor sits on a wooden chair in front of Wade, who is being constrained with massive strands of golden hair. Right, who needs chains when you can shackle an intruder _with hair_? Ridiculous. “I don’t understand,” Wade sighs, “you’re Thor, God of Thunder. Seductive Lord of Thunder! Don’t you remember?”

“I told you before,” Thor’s replies. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Besides, you’re not in the position to ask questions.”

“Debatable,” Wade half-agrees. “What are you doing here? Singing to birds?”

“Why would I do that? I’m busy enough building those small houses for them.” Thor claps Mewmew in his hands, which Wade tries to use to bring back his memory: “He who is worthy shall possess the powers of Thor,” Wade quotes, but the big blond just squints his eyes at that.

“Aw, come on!” Wade complains. He fidgets the best he can in his current position.

“I don’t understand,” Thor says slowly, “why you have called me by my name and now insist I’m someone else. If you’re looking for someone you lost, I can hardly be of service. I only know this tower, and there’s no one else here.”

Wade’s eyes widen under his mask as he begins to understand. “I know,” he laughs, hoping to make Thor’s expression soften. “You can’t help me find my friend because you’re stuck in here, right?”

There’s a sparkle in Thor’s eyes.

“That’s it, right?” Wade asks softly. “You’ve been trapped here all your life, sweet, dear Rapunzel, haven’t you? I know.”

Thor steps a bit closer. “Who are you?” he asks.

“I am Rob Reiner,” Wade says softly.

“Rob Reiner,” Thor repeats cautiously. “So, you’re saying you’re a friend?”

“I am!” Wade smiles. How does the story go? _Shit, how does the story go?_

Thor gestures to take off the mask, but Wade intervenes in time: “Please, leave it on. I’m insecure about myself underneath.” Yeah, get into that Disney mood, that’s a good start.

“Don’t be,” Thor says. He gives Wade a small smile. “Who sent you?” he asks.

“That’s a secret. Even I don’t know it,” Wade says, continuing the overly-awed Disney-voice. “The worst thing is… I don’t even know how to go home.”

“Aw, my friend, that is rough,” Thor says and pats his shoulder (rather hurtfully so). “You can stay a bit, if you’d like, Rob. And then we’ll see how to bring you home. I was about to bake some bread. You can have some.” The hair masses loosen up so Wade can free himself. “Thank you, Rapunzel,” he says and pauses to admire Hemsworth’s beautiful face. Good God, he’s gorgeous. He should offer this God to brush his silky hair.

“Don’t make yourself too comfortable,” Thor threatens, but Wade knows exactly what to do. Disney movie, Disney princess, Disney co-op to make Disney lyrics in Marvel stories possible. Cue the pop guitar strumming.

_And so I’ll read a book_  
_Or maybe two or three_  
_I’ll add a few new paintings to my gallery_  
_I’ll play guitar and knit_  
_And cook and basically_  
_Just wonder when will my life begin_

Seventy feet of hair doesn’t brush itself. The hair is zoned to make it easier who brushes which bit. Wade also can’t stop pointing out how amazingly smooth this hair is, because he’s pretty jealous.

But Thor is a sweet guy and quickly gets on with Rob Reiner. “I’ll give you a thousand scented candles as a reward,” he smiles and it’s honestly the sweetest thing anyone has ever offered Wade in exchange for brushing their hair. In the shine of the candles, he braids the hair and decorates the thick strands with flowers from the pots. “This is so calming,” Wade awes. Thor snickers, probably because he can see how relaxed his guest has become. He has asked Wade several times by now if he really isn’t missing anyone. He’s so sweet.

“But it’s already eleven,” Wade sighs, because he really, really wants to leave. Rapunzel wanted to leave too, didn’t she? “How about I take you with me?” Wade asks somewhen, silky hair still flowing between his black gloves. Isn’t that how the story goes?

“Outside?” Thor asks dreamily. “I don’t know…”

“Okay,” Wade says fast and gets up instantly. No time to waste then. “If you could maybe let me down again, please, Rapunzel?”

“Sure,” Thor utters. His expression is conflicted and sad. He steps toward Wade and sighs. “I do want to go outside,” he says. “But I need someone to show me around and tell me how things work.”

“Yes, and to sing to and fall in love with, I know,” Wade says with as much empathy as he can muster, to which Thor crooks his gorgeous blond head.

“A _companion_ , I mean. Of course. I will bring you someone like this,” Wade half-promises. Deadpool isn’t the right person to be a Disney Princess’ companion, duh, someone else will have to do.

“Will you?” Thor asks in the candlelight. It hurts Wade to leave without having made out with him. “I promise,” he says firmly and extends a pinky. Thor grabs it with his whole big hand and shakes it firmly. “May fortune always favour you, my friend,” he says.

Fortune? And something in Wade’s head clicks. He’s Deadpool! If he wants to get out of a story, he could just turn the page.

“Thank you,” Wade breathes full of pathos and takes a last look at Hemsworth’s amazing braided hair and all the small flowers in it. “I will do something crazy now, so please don’t freak out,” Wade says quietly, and Thor nods in excitement. Absently, Wakes strokes his big arms, and then he jumps backwards, right out of the tower’s window, hands gesturing as if to turn the page of a big book while Thor laughs nervously from up above.

**-= Deep Space Mermaid =-**

Wade lands in warm but salty water. Sea gulls cry and soft waves swirl around his ankles as the sun sets into a sparkling ocean. “New story, huh?” Wade muses and looks around. He’s at a beach full of rocks, golden in the dying sunlight, and beyond the rocks, there’s… three moon shapes? “Am I in outer space?” Wade asks as his shoulders slope down. Why is he here? Is there a system as to where he travels? What about his microwave mac’n’cheese?

Wade sighs and decides to splash some water by jumping through it. “I’m gonna make me some deep space sushi with these katanas,” he threatens as happily as possible, but there’s nothing except for the soft water splash. No lifeform willing to attack him with a lightsaber or a Norse hammer. How lame.

If this was a fairytale as well, it must be the little mermaid. With a grand gesture, Wade starts singing, “Look at this stuff – isn’t it neat?”

No reaction. Just waves and sea gulls. Only now Wade notices they’re green and have fangs.

Just when he ponders whether staying here any longer will get him killed by the Disney birds’ faraway cousins, Wade notices another splash of water that isn’t his own. Hastily, a fin disappears behind one of the rocks in the water, which ignites a small conflict in Wade’s chest.

He really wants his microwave comfort food. But he also wants to lay eyes upon a real mermaid. Fuck.

“There you are,” Wade murmurs and steps closer, but he knows better than to scare the shy creature away. He just sits down in the shallow, arms resting on his knees, and watches the stars rise. After a while, small fish start to come near him. They’re all pretty creepy and exceptionally green.

Green, huh?

Wade turns his head back to the rock and spots a dark head watching him. It ducks when their eyes meet, and Wade decides to silently wave. At any times, Mark Ruffalo is a cute mermaid with dark curls, so it’s no surprise when he finds Bruce Banner as just that – a cute mermaid with dark curls. Water splashes and with one swift motion, he is by Wade’s side, wet and curious, yet shy.

He’s devastatingly cute, Wade thinks. “Hi,” he utters, heart jumping at the sight of such puffed and parted lips.

“Hello,” Banner breathes. He circles Wade the best he can, eyes always moving, and it feels weirdly pleasant to be checked out like that by a soaking wet man. Wade tries to not look at it directly, but that fishtail is at least six feet long. And it’s crazy green.

“You look different than the people on land,” the mermaid says quietly.

“I wouldn’t know,” Wade answers and continues to eye the giant fish fin with precaution – you could never know. Was this a hulkmaid? Hulkfish? He shouldn’t try to find out.

Banner tilts his nervous head. “Why’s that?”

“Because I’m not from here,” Wade says. “I’m from Earth, and this is some crazy, strange, new world. I don’t even know how I got here. I went where no Pool has gone before.”

“That sounds exciting,” Banner says, tender voice laced with sadness. It breaks Wade’s heart to see him like this. “You can’t go very far with that fin, huh?” he asks.

Banner takes a deep breath and gently moves the fishtail. It glistens wonderfully in the starlight. Crazy how such a burden can be so beautiful, Wade thinks.

“Then you, uh, you’re far from home?” Banner asks to distract himself.

“Yeah. And I don’t know what the fuck is going on,” Wade says. “I feel like there’s a reason I’m here.”

“Is there a way I can help you?” Banner asks. He lifts his fin out of the water to stroke Wade’s shoulder with it – it’s weird, but nice.

“You can’t help me, Brucie,” he smiles. The mermaid tilts his head in sweet confusion. “Brucie?” he asks.

“Forget it.”

“No.”

“What?” When Wade faces Banner, the glistening face has melted into a shining smile. “I like that name, why should I forget it?” he asks.

Wade sighs. “You are such a cinnamon roll.”

Banner’s eyelashes flutter, but his fin twitches weirdly. Urgh, this is so creepy. “Say,” Banner says, more eager now, “can you help me to get on land? Maybe we can find out how you got here. I’ll help you analyze the situation and be your friend in turn.”

“Friend?” Wade asks, frowning under his mask. “No. Look, I need to get home, okay?” Just when he tries the page turn gesture to escape, Wade stills. A friend? “I’ll be back in a minute,” he says, and Banner backs off in excitement.

“I have no idea if this is gonna work,” Wade warns. He suddenly feels like a true hero, because he actually wants to help this helpless creature AND knows a way to help it AND gets to keep the promise he made earlier. He grins, albeit a bit unsurely. “It’s funny, you know, ‘cause I know someone who wants to get out of their circumstances just as much as you do, Incredible Hulk. Brucie, I mean.”

_Up where they walk, up where they run_  
_Up where they stay all day in the sun_  
_Wandering free_  
_Wish I could be_  
_Part of that world_

For such a big guy, he’s pretty easily transported to the alien ocean. Flash Gordon meets Grimm’s fairytales – amazing. Why hasn’t anyone thought about that earlier? Ragnarok was Wade’s fave Thor film after all. Pleased with his creation, he steps back to eye Thor and Banner. Err, Rapunzel and Brucie. The thick braid and flowers in the alien water are met with great fascination from the mermaid. He starts eating the petals.

“Whaddaya say, darling?” Wade asks happily. “Isn’t this the greatest companion ever?”

“I don’t know where we are,” Thor utters. Banner looks up at him with sheepish curiosity. At first it seemed to make Thor uncomfortable, but now he gives the mermaid a warm smile, and Banner blushes.

“Gosh, you are so cute,” Wade sighs. “Use the hammer to navigate. It can lift you up in the air and take you anywhere you want. Any place in the universe. You two don’t even need oxygen, how amazing is that? Rip to Yondu, but you’re different.”

“Any place?” Banner asks with sparkles in his mermaid eyes. “How?”

“Big guy here will carry you,” Wade says. He can’t hide the amusement in his voice. This feels amazing. “Now I can finally consider myself a matchmaker,” he says proudly.

“Thank you for bringing me here, Rob Reiner,” Thor blurts out.

“Yes, thank you, Red Rob,” Banner adds. His fin reaches up to playfully tickle Thor’s bearded chin, and suddenly the night air is weirdly steamy. Wade should get out of here while he still can. So, he says, “No problem. Just don’t make each other angry.”

“Of course not.”

“No, seriously,” Wade warns. “Don’t make him angry. Don’t even try.”

Thor stumbles in confusion. “A-all right, Rob.” With that, Wade decides to leave the two. Now he knew he could navigate back and forth between the book pages, and he would make use of that to get home, because every book has an ending, he figured. There was also a pattern – Avengers in fairytales. Wade was almost excited for what would come next.

All alone with the fish now. Awkward. “So,” Rapunzel tries, and his new friend’s eyes fixate him with excited sparkles. Rapunzel smiles. “Where do you want to go? Oh, and do you like cookies, by any chance? I brought some with me.” He reaches into his pocket to get one. “It’s crumbled,” he apologizes. But the fish doesn’t seem to mind. He wolfs it down like nothing.

“You’re very handsome and kind,” he breathes when he’s finished, “not like the other land people.”

“What are those other land people like?” Rapunzel asks. He doesn’t like injustice, but what the fish proceeds to tell him sounds pretty unjust and cruel. “Maybe we should pay them a visit,” he suggests and throws the hammer in his hand. “Here, can you hop into my arms? Hold on tight. We’re going to pay them a visit.”

“Uh! An adventure?”

Rapunzel shrugs with a shy smile. “Yes, an adventure.”

_It’s like you knew, and you came out  
Out of nowhere and into my life  
It took you a while, but you found me  
Now I’m sure that I’m gonna survive_

_  
And it started with a hello  
I could be your superhero  
I could love you for the rest of my life  
Don’t you ever let me go_

**-= Red Riding Hood =-**

Wade’s excitement dies pretty quickly, because the first thing he sees when he finds himself on the next page and its snowy ground is Hawkeye. _Hawkeye_.

“Aw, really?”

“Shut up,” Hawkeye snarls from above, pointing a scratched arrow right to Wade’s face. It’s inconveniently sharp, almost like a black knife with three blades. Wade gently shoves it away to be able to look his opponent in the eye. “What are _you_ doing here?” he asks, not caring how damn disappointed he must sound.

For a millisecond, there’s irritation in Hawkeye’s hard features. He scans Wade’s suit and lowers the arrow. “Thank you,” Wade says in annoyance as he gets up, stroking snow off his butt. “Just so you know, there’s no way I’m staying here.”

“Would you please be quiet?”

Taken aback by the all-black outfit, Wade shrugs, “Why? Are we being threatened by Sabrina and her fucking cat? What is this, Hansel and Gretel: Fucking Witch Hunters?”

Without any warning, Hawkeye takes one quick step towards Wade and grabs him by his throat. “If you don’t shut up,” he hisses, “we will be dead very soon. They will come for us, do you understand? I suggest you move your ass over to that tree and keep your mouth shut.”

“I tried that once,” Wade remembers, “and it was awful. Ask Hugh Jackman.”

Hawkeye shoves him behind the tree anyway, and the thick layer of snow scrunches under their feet. It’s a stark contrast to all those pitch-black trees. Not even birds are singing! Whomst the fuck are they hiding from?

There’s a loud howl, and muscle memory kicks in; one of Wade’s katanas slides silently out of the scabbard on his back. When Hawkeye holds down his bow and exhales to get ready to fire, he can hear him mutter about how he hated this mission already and why he was chosen to accompany this brat – Wade narrows his eyes in aggression. Yeah, fine, he didn’t want to be here either.

Or so he thought, because what happens next quickly changes Wade’s mind: With a thundering growl, the black trees are snapped to the ground. Snow falls from shuddering branches.

“Here she comes,” Hawkeye says and rolls out of the hideout; Wade takes the other side.

The attacker sounds like a wolf but looks rather as if the Wolverine had a child with a giant grizzly, Wade thinks, and boy, it’s a fast-moving child. “What the f-”

A pitch-black paw hits him to the icy ground, but Wade is quick to roll aside, just in time for the beast to get distracted by a piercing arrow in its thick head. “C’mere!” Hawkeye all but screams – and for a second, Wade is flustered by the sexy sound of that voice and also the fact that his ass just got saved.

“Well, mark me down as scared _and_ horny,” he murmurs.

Eager to return the favor, Wade heaves himself to his feet and onto the animal’s broad shoulders as it moves to stand on its hind legs. Totally overtowered, Hawkeye shoots a second arrow to its head, making it growl in agony.

“You look great from up here,” Wade compliments him over the ear-shattering sound, which the archer acknowledges with a frustrated frown.

The katana is fast and smooth and cuts off the heavy head with little effort. Deep red blood paints the white snow and the glittering blade, staining as Wade jumps off the body and sighs. “Nothing like a good ol’ slaughter in the wild,” he says and kicks the splattering head.

Hawkeye breathes out and falls right through the little white cloud he just exhaled. “Can you shut your mouth now?” he asks on his knees.

Sheepishly, Wade shifts, suddenly aware of how cold it is out here. “You hurt?”

“’s an older wound,” Hawkeye says and adjusts his black gloves, hands pressed to his left thigh. “Guess it reopened.” He hisses in pain, and suddenly Wade feels terribly out of place. Should he apologize?

“Let me see it,” he says instead, clearing his throat. They stop the bleeding by throttling it and cool the wound with snow. Sitting here like this, Hawkeye starts telling the story of how he was ordered into this forest, and Wade listens – not only out of politeness, but because he actually feels sorry for this small man and his big grey eyes.

“You’re the best hunter in the area, they said,” Hawkeye recalls sarcastically, “you can protect the kid.” He looks up. “But you don’t need protection. You got swords and shit.”

“Whoah,” Wade says, “what do you mean, protect me?”

“This forest is dangerous, in case you haven’t noticed by now.”

“No, yes, I mean – protect _me_?”

Irritated, Hawkeye fixates him with brutally firm eyes. “You’re wearing red.”

And it clicks. A hunter, a wolf, red clothes – “Red Riding Hood?” Wade asks. Okay. All right. “I’m not Little Red Riding Hood, dude,” he says with squinted eyes.

Hawkeye looks at him a little longer, nods and then shakes his head, mumbling curses under his breath. “Of course you’re not. Of fucking course.” With a hiss, he tries to stand, and Wade steadies him with weary hands. Surprised by the softness of his voice, he asks, “Where’re you going?”

“I’ll go find Red Riding Hood,” Hawkeye replies, pulling the arrows from the monster’s head to store them back in his lean quiver. “Because if you ain’t them, then the kid is somewhere out here all alone.”

“Yes,” Wade says, unsure if it would be wise to let his man continue on his own. “Listen,” he calls, “I like a good slaughter. I’ll help you search for the kid and fight off these… wolves.”

The glimmer of disbelief in Hawkeye’s face fades away almost instantly, but the hard face he continues to give Wade shows that he does not trust him fully. It pierces a weirdly sad sting to Wade’s heart. Poor Hawkeye looks as if he’s seen a thousand devils and more already. He gives Wade another look that signals him to tag along.

The way through the forest is cold but bearable. There are no paths and no footprints in the snow, it’s as if everything died long ago. No trace of Red Riding Hood. But Hawkeye says he heard one of his traps snap, and shortly after, another deep growl echoes in the forest. They run to the place to find another one of these bloodthirsty monsters.

Wade draws his katanas. “Do we keep it alive?” he asks over the roars.

“The hell we do,” Hawkeye says and whips out a small dagger to slice the beast’s throat, blood flooding downwards. Wade lowers his weapons. “You’re pretty violent,” he says in disbelief.

“I’m doing my job,” Hawkeye murmurs and leaves the body daggling from the tree. Wade follows him silently.

Doing the ‘job’ turns out to be a merc’s delight, because those beasty wolves are excellent victims; they put up a fight but aren’t particularly clever and make nice dead bodies. Wade tries to keep things light, but with every minute that passes without a trace of Red Riding Hood, Hawkeye tenses up more. He clenches his jaw, he shivers, he screams.

He doesn’t even know the kid, yet he’s so protective. Wade is equally impressed and depressed. But Hawkeye lets him look after the wound and answers his questions. He’s quiet, but he’s a surprisingly efficient hunter and general good company. Who would’ve thought Wade would get along this well with _Hawkeye_ out of all people?

As the night falls upon the winter forest, the two hear the cracking of bones in the distance. Hawkeye stops every moment. “They’re feasting,” he whispers and starts running like crazy – Wade has trouble keeping up with him, because he’s hungry and it’s fucking cold. His feet feel like ice blocks.

From behind a tree, they watch a cabin, hidden deep in the forest’s shadows. Through a destroyed window, a giant wolf monster tears what looks like the remains of a body. Hawkeye grows pale.

“The grandmother,” Wade realizes with genuine horror. The sounds are absolutely disgusting.

Hawkeye has his arrow ready, but he shakes terribly. Eyes pressed shut, he huffs and – allows Wade to gently touch his shoulder.

“Let me go first,” Wade says and runs so fast that he leaves Hawkeye no choice: Singing loudly, he jumps toward the cabin. The wolf’s giant black head rushes upwards, exhaling white clouds of hot breath and blinking red where its eyes are supposed to be.

Now that he has its attention, Wade draws his katanas. “Judgement Day, bitch,” he says. “You thought I was Little Red Riding Hood. But I’m the Bad fucking Wolf, motherfucker. And I don’t mean Billie Piper.”

Without any sound whatsoever, the wolf starts running towards Wade in giant leaps, totally disregarding its dead loot, and frankly, Wade is so surprised by it that he cannot move. Its fangs catch hold of his head and his ears start to ring. Bones crack.

“This is bad,” Wade gasps, trying to fight the immense weight on top of him. Black fur suffocates him, there’s a paw on in his chest, pushing him deeper into the snow. Oh, how he wished this would be green grass or warm sea water…

It tries to bite off his head.

Out of nowhere, there’s a sound above Wade that he’d catalogue as the meaty hack of a dagger. The wolf growls and lets go of him to attack Hawkeye instead.

“This one’s bigger than the others,” Wade manages to say. He can’t see anything. Breathes shortly. But there’re more sounds in the snow now, and the ground shakes beneath thundering paws. Other wolves arrive.

Blinded, Wade falls onto his back again. Fun’s over. He had to get out of here – turn the page, idiot, turn the page – but stretching out his shuddering arms into the air is a mistake, because with one swift bite, Wade’s hands are off, and he feels blood dropping heavily onto his mask. The icy air smells of iron.

“Shit,” Hawkeye snarls. The sound of swift arrows stops. How faraway is he?

“I can’t stay,” Wade calls in a semi-apology and raises his shaking legs. You could turn book pages with your toes, couldn’t you? Wade feels himself fall, but not without the piercing pain of having his feet ripped off by dull teeth.

**-= Steampunk Cinderella =-**

When Wade opens his eyes, he needs a few seconds to reorientate. At least it’s not that cold anymore, and he can see again – but he can’t rub his eyes, because his hands have been bitten off. Grunting, he tries to mimic the movement of turning a page with his teeth, but it doesn’t work. However, he recognizes a loud, rhythmic ticking sound behind him – “Am I inside a clock or what?” Wade asks absently and slips because of his blood on the golden platform in front of the giant clock.

“Well, asshole,” he sings to himself, “hard to walk if you don’t have – what’s the word? Feet.”

Unable to move, Wade collapses, but from where his head lies on the glassy platform, he can spot a shining shoe. A bulky shoe with a small heel, mechanical and metallic. A golden and red shoe. Wade’s eyes widen and the clock’s ticking gets louder. It’s two minutes after midnight.

“I’m in a fairytale,” Wade gasps, “and here’s an Iron Man shoe. Oh my God.” Just as he says these words, someone stumbles into the golden room. Metal clings on glassy floor. It’s a small man in an armor – except for one shoe piece. His helmet comes off and there’s panic flaring in his Bambi eyes.

_I am flesh and I am bone  
Rise up, ting-ting, like glitter and gold  
I got fire in my soul  
Rise up, ting-ting, like glitter, like glitter and gold  
  
_

“Cinderella,” Wade coughs and crawls forward. Stark isn’t fast enough and misses the shoe just when Wade snaps it from the ground with a bloody arm. The left shoe of the golden and red armor.

Stark blinks. “What happened to you?” he asks hastily.

“My hands and feet got bitten off by wolves,” Wade says truthfully, guarding the shoe with cramped limbs. After a millisecond, Stark shrugs and extends an arm. “I won’t ask,” he says, severely unnerved, “just give me that, okay?”

“No.”

“If it stays, they’re gonna start looking for the guy who built it. So, give it to me.”

“Get me out of here first,” Wade argues.

Stark’s eyes widen in pressure of time. “It’s already past midnight, the suit’s energy will not be enough to get both of us outta here! I’ll call for help afterwards, just give me the shoe.”

“Yeah, right,” Wade snarls. “That’s not how it works, ace.”

“Fine,” Stark says nervously. “If you don’t give it to me freely, I’ll tear it from your bloody body.”

“Try me.”

“Please!” Stark begs. The bright snow that falls outside the giant window behind him makes his armor glisten. There’s no houses or other buildings, as if they’re high above the ground. Is this a clock tower? “You’ll wait with me,” Wade says absently, “until my feet or hands have grown back and I can get out of here myself.”

“There’s no time,” Stark snarls, but when he steps closer, a hydraulic sounding noise swishes out of the suit, and the bright light on his chest goes out with a sad howl.

Wade huffs. “Well, well, well.”

Realizing he’s trapped here, Stark’s face goes through all five stages of grieve in less than three seconds. He sighs, and the suit opens. As he steps out of it, Wade is surprised to find that he’s just wearing brown and torn lumps of cloth. So he truly is Cinderella.

“Great,” Stark sighs and sits down in front of Wade, arms resting on his knees so he can ruffle his messy hair. He looks so small and miserable that Wade actually feels sorry for him. “Hard night at the ball, hm?” he asks, sitting as upright as he can. His limbs hurt and his head throbs with every single tick of the giant clock behind him.

“It was a perfect night,” Stark recalls as if in a fever dream. “Perfect. Absolutely divine. And now it’s ruined.”

“Danced with the prince?” Wade asks with a grin, but the glare Stark gives him makes him shudder.

“Hey,” he continues more calmly. “This shoe is pretty great. So’s that suit. You shouldn’t keep it a secret. Especially not from the prince.”

“What do _you_ know?” Stark snarls, eyes all red. It seems to distress him that he can’t see Wade’s face.

Wade thinks for a moment. “I know that I love my red high heels, so I show them to everybody, regardless if they like them or not.”

Sighing, Stark shakes his head and gets up. Now that Wade is softer than before, it’s no problem for Stark to snatch the shoe from the stumps at the end of Wade’s arms. Stark eyes it carefully. (Also, Wade is delighted to find that there’s already small fingertips growing out of his stumps.)

“I can get it going with the help of the clockwork,” Stark says. “Just hope nobody gets in in the meantime.”

“If I was the prince, I’d start looking for the mysterious tin man,” Wade says sympathetically, but Stark ignores him. He continues to ignore him when he starts fine-tuning the suit and climbs inside the clockwork to unscrew stuff there – but Wade tells him about what has happened so far anyway.

“Don’t you know Thor? And the Hulk and Hawkeye?” he asks. Stark doesn’t answer, he just groans, and Wade’s gaze drops down to his lap, where things that resemble fingers start to grow out of his flesh. He can even wiggle them. But he can’t turn a page. Or hold a face in them.

So, they don’t know each other? Do they know they live in fake fairytales?

Contemplative, Wade looks out of the giant window of the tower. The golden frame is decorated with finest ornaments, and small ice flowers glisten in the corners on the glass. The night is dark, but the tower’s light makes the snowflakes shine bright.

“Y’know,” Wade says to no one in particular, “it’s actually crazy that I’m constantly trapped in fairytales and still haven’t kissed anybody.”

The sounds of Stark’s work stop for a moment as if he’s actually listening. Wade smiles. “Sorry for screwing up your escape plan,” he says. “But maybe it’s the chance you and the prince need.”

“Could you stop with your babbling? It’s… irritating,” Stark calls. He returns to the empty suit with golden cogs and screws. What’s he gonna do, wind it up like a toy? Surely, because all of this is powered by clockworks.

Is this some Steampunk shit? What about the Arc Reactor?

“I know about your heart,” Wade blurts out, and Stark whirls around in panic, letting go of everything in his arms. Heavy cogs clatter on the golden floor with a loud noise. His eyes flutter when he asks, “Who are you? And why do you know about it?”

Wow, bullseye. “I just… know stuff,” Wade smiles and raises his baby hands in defense. Stark looks terrified. “I won’t hurt you or tell anyone else,” Wade promises and stands up – his baby feet can carry him if he tries hard enough.

“A mechanical heart is nothing to be ashamed of,” he says. “You should be proud to have built it yourself. No one’s gonna judge you. Try trusting people.”

Stark’s lower lip shudders, but his eyes stay on Wade: “Trusting people has brought me nowhere.”

“Trusting the prince will show you how precious you really are,” Wade says, despite reminding himself that he has no idea what he’s talking about. “I will bring him here now, okay?”

“What? No,” Stark calls, but he’s too slow to catch Wade’s arms. With great effort, Wade manages to throw the heaviest of the cogs right through the giant window (with two strong stumps of flesh) – glass shatters loudly, glittering in the golden light. It flickers briefly before returning to full power.

Stark whirls around and frowns. “Okay, you’re literally insane.”

“I must be. I still don’t know why I’m here, so that must be it,” Wade shrugs and wiggles his small fingers. “So, the prince’s guards will be here soon. You can thank me later, ‘cause I better get going.”

With that, Wade turns around to get ready for a page turn, but behind him, backlit by the clock’s golden shine, there’s Scarlett Johansson – in an… old-timey uniform?

Wade raises his eyebrows. Two Avengers in the same fairytale, that’s new. But she doesn’t look like she belongs here; there’s something strangely worn out about her.

“And who’re you?” Stark asks, sounding as though he doesn’t even care anymore.

“Security,” is all she says before she comes storming towards Wade – and fighting sucks when you’re still missing proper feet and hands. Wade can block her sword with his elbow, but it hurts to no end. Next she tries to kick him off his feet with a capoeira kick. As Wade sidesteps it, he stumbles over his unfinished toes and barely manages to block her fists when she punches him from above.

“Can you two resolve your fight elsewhere? Maybe?” Stark calls, but it’s unnecessary because by now ScarJo has Wade by his neck and pulls him toward the open window.

She turns around a last time and says to Stark, “I’m taking him with me. Goodbye, inventor.”

Tony can’t process what just happened – don’t they keep madmen in asylums anymore? Where have they gone? They had just vanished into thin hair. And that masked guy’s hands were really creepy. Just how did he know about the Iron Heart?

Tony hasn’t much time to think about this mess though, because Potts Motors’ guards come rushing in right now. Guns loaded, they point at him, shining just as golden as everything else here. What a contrast – it’s cold in here now that the window is broken. Tony raises his hands, but closing his eyes seems the even greater signal of defeat.

“Stop!” a voice calls – and promptly, he reopens them. “Pep?” he breathes. There she stands, with her golden crown, concern written all over her face. _Concern,_ not disgust. “Tony?” she asks quietly. At her signal, the guards lower their weapons.

“What are you doing here? It’s really you,” she says, stepping closer as her face melts into a warm smile.

“Yep,” Tony tries to say as casually as possible, hands still in the air.

“That’s your suit?” Pepper asks with wonder and lets a hand ghost over the shiny metal. “You built that?”

“Yep,” Tony repeats, sniffing.

Pepper shakes her beautiful head in disbelief. “So… wait, wait, wait! You came here undercover? I danced with you without even knowing it!” Now she sounds reproachful.

“I can explain,” Tony begins and meets her beautiful blue eyes.

“I can’t explain,” he corrects.

“Tony,” she says affectionately and steps closer, laying a careful hand onto his ticking chest. It’s warm. “You’ll have lots of time to explain. All the time in the world,” she says and embraces him tenderly. Tony lowers his hands and places them around her when he feels soft lips kissing his messy hair. He’s allowed this.

_I got fire in my soul, rise up, ting-ting, like glitter and gold_

**-= The Nutcracker =-**

The castle’s oubliette is cold and humid from all the snow from outside (well, moldiness happens when you build your residence on a frozen cliff). A lonely torch is the only source of light, and the Black Widow looks unnervingly dangerous its red tint. She guards Wade’s cell while locking up the door and turns to leave through the stone corridor.

Wade’s hands and feet still aren’t back, his katanas are confiscated, and his neck hurts like hell, so he figures he could just as well spend the time talking: “What’s up with the uniform?” he asks.

The Widow stops and quirks a red eyebrow at him. “Working clothes,” she says, raspy voice flowing like honey.

“Looks Russian,” Wade comments. “A bit Christmassy. You’re the nutcracker?”

She shifts, ready to leave. “Well done, slaughter boy.”

“’Slaughter boy’?” Wade snaps. “What the hell! I’m sorry, ‘cause you made it real nice in here, but I’mma head out.”

The page turn doesn’t work, and it amuses the Widow to no end. With pursed lips, she purrs, “Your magic doesn’t work here, slaughter boy.”

Wade grunts. “Can you explain to me what the hell has been happening to me the past few hours? Or days? I don’t even know what I’ve been doing or for how long!” he calls.

The Widow tilts her head with a shrug. “Giving people new opportunities. Getting them together, helping them realize their self-worth,” she explains.

Really? Wade tries the page turn again, calling, “Oh, wow, how laudable! All the good deeds! Is it judgement day already? You ain’t Jesus making me make up for my sins, are you?”

It’s not working. _It’s not working_. Is he stuck here?

“No,” the Widow answers, “just making you help to make the world a better place.”

“Ahh, working for Santa, are we?”

“It’s not me who looks like Elf on the Shelf.” She quirks another eyebrow at him, smirking slightly. Wade exhales. “Fair point,” he says.

Now everything makes sense. Every page was a mission to accomplish: He kept the promise he had given to Rapunzel, he gave the mermaid a friend to explore the world with, he helped Hawkeye on his search for Little Red Riding Hood and even played matchmaker for Stark and Potts.

“I did all the good deeds,” Wade says to the Widow. “Then why did you take me?”

“I’m the police, sort of. But this isn’t solely professional,” she says with a stone face. Almost stone, because there’s a movement in her eyes. “You left the hunter to the wolves,” she clarifies.

“Barton?” Wade asks. “I helped him! I only left him when I was about to die!” he defends himself.

“Yes, it’s always the same,” the Widow says, stepping closer to the iron bars. “You leave and I get to clean up the mess and go save his ass.”

“What was I supposed to do?” Wade asks, but he can’t even take himself serious with these bare children’s feet. “What was I supposed to do?” he repeats. “Fight to the death? For someone I barely know? What kind of Psycho-Santa games are these?”

“He would’ve fought to the death,” is all the Widow says before she leaves.

“Is he alive?” Wade calls after her, but figures that if she had come too late to save Hawkeye, she would’ve made goulash out of Wade already, so…

Sighing, Wade slumps down at the stone wall and shudders. It’s really effin’ cold in here, his breath crystalizes instantly, and his body sticks to the wall like a tongue to a pole. Wade tries to turn the page again, but it feels as though it slips through his fresh fingers like sand. Caught in this detention level, he tries to get some sleep at least, embracing himself with trembling arms.

_And the dusk gathered low,_  
_And the silver moon and stars_  
_On the frozen snow_  
_Drew taper bars_

When Wade wakes up, he feels all right for the few seconds it takes him to realize he hasn’t been dreaming. Then cold reality hits him, he’s still in the oubliette. What has woken him is a whispering voice that doesn’t sound like it’s all too far away.

“I am telling you, he is in here.”

“I will not trust your creepy fish nose ever again.”

“But it is more efficient than your nose.”

“Yeah, but it’s creepy nonetheless.”

Two voices arguing. They come from the small window right under the stone ceiling. Wade frowns. “Hello?” he calls. This couldn’t be…

“Oh,” Chris Hemsworth’s happy voice calls down, “Rob Reiner! It really is you! I knew it all along, ha.”

“Shh, not so loud, my dear.”

“Oh, right.” A pair of bright blue eyes looks down through the bars. “Hey,” Wade calls happily and waves a baby hand. “Rapunzel! I was hoping to meet Elsa, or at least Keira Knightly in a pink cotton candy costume, but I’m not disappointed.”

“I could sense you were in trouble, my friend, so we came here to your rescue,” Rapunzel says proudly as Mermaid Brucie shushes him from behind. “Finally we found you.”

“Yeah, this place is pretty far off-road,” Wade admits. Somehow he can’t help but smile. Is this a pay-off for helping them earlier? Who would’ve thought!

“Stand back. I will take care of these iron branches,” Brucie’s soft voice says. Rapunzel makes room for him, and he sweetly greets Wade with a quiet “Hello, Red Rob” ere gagging furiously. Wade jumps backwards. Splashes of green acid melt the bars down like butter and drop down the stone walls with the grossest sounds Wade has ever heard.

“What the actual fuck!” he exclaims in horror.

“Quiet, Rob,” Rapunzel cautions. „The guard will return if you’re this loud.”

“Did you see that?” Wade calls. “It is safe now,” Banner promises as the rests of the acid become vaporized. It smells like burnt fish.

“ _Good God_ , this is gross,” Wade curses, shivering from the cold, as he climbs Rapunzel’s hair upwards to get out of here. Out of this dark hole. But then what? Could Thor’s hammer travel the pages just like he and the Widow?

The outside is still cold, there’s a snowstorm going on. Once he’s squeezed out of the tiny window, Wade tries standing up straight on his small feet and thanks the duo. “You’re really figuring things out, aren’t you,” he says with a soft look at them, rubbing his hands for warmth.

“Oh, yes, we do,” Rapunzel says and pulls Brucie, huddling by his feet, closer to him. He doesn’t seem to mind the cold in the least. “Together, we fought many battles already-”

“Many battles,” Brucie says.

“Defeated countless enemies-”

“Really mean people.”

“All across the universe. And we achieved victory through the power of friendship, love and thunder,” Rapunzel closes with a grin. Wade nods. Great title for Thor’s fourth installment. “But how can you be here?” he asks.

“Er…”

“I’m gonna channel my inner Kronk and say, by all accounts, this doesn’t make any sense,” Wade says. Unless it’s the hammer after all… They could get out of here with that, couldn’t they? All three of them would be fine.

“Hey!” a female voice calls from above. It’s the Nutcracker, towering over them on the castle’s icy walls. “You’re leaving already?” she asks.

“Actually, I am,” Wade says casually. “I can leave, can’t I?” he asks the duo. “Will you two be all right?”

“We will be. However, you’re missing your swords,” Rapunzel notes, but Wade waves it off. The Widow jumps down from the wall (with a Superhero Landing™, good God, have you seen her solo movie trailer?) and starts storming towards them, hand on the Nutcracker sword.

“All right,” Wade says in panic, “get me out of here, Scotty! Thor, err – Rapunzel. Get me out of here, Rapunzel!”

“As you wish,” Rapunzel says and whirls the hammer as Brucie hides behind him. Snow swirls up. “But I have no idea where this will drop you off.”

“I don’t care, just beam me away!” Wade screams and covers his head as a glistening light blinds him.

_And the sprawling Bear  
Growled deep in the sky;  
And Orion’s hair  
Streamed sparkling by:  
But the North sighed low,  
“Snow, snow, more snow!”_

**-= Sleeping Beauty =-**

When the blinding light ceases, Wade falls straight to his back, into the mud – which is lucky, as it turns out, because as soon as he looks up, there are bright laser beams shooting over the hill he just collapsed behind. There are deafening mechanical sounds all around, and Wade’s ears ring. He rolls around. There’s a soldier huddling next to him, terror written across his dirty face, brown eyes screaming for help.

Wade has no time watch him any longer, because a dark shadow jumps over the hill and himself, to tear the soldier apart.

It’s an alien. Those weird black aliens from the Avengers movies.

Wade curses under his breath and tries to crawl away, but the muddy ground gives in and he slides back into the hole, where a shrieking roar signals him that the alien has noticed him. Page turn, page turn –

A slicing sound makes Wade shut his eyes, and the alien whines. Then there’s a thud on the ground. “You all right?” a concerned voice calls, and Wade instantly looks up, meeting a pair of gorgeous eyes watching him.

“InfinityWar!Cap,” he gasps, propping himself up. “That’s funny, considering I’m in the Endgame now-”

“Down!”

Captain America jumps over him and punches another alien with those weird mini shields he got from Chadwick Boseman. Is he here too?

“Can you fight, soldier?” he asks, and Wade falters. He’s been to war, but only as a merchant. And only on Earth, not some comic book sci-fi battlefield.

“Can you stand?” the Captain asks and extends a hand to Wade, which he gladly takes. “I don’t know you,” the Captain says – good God, that beard looks hot – “but you’re in this with all of us. Can you fight?”

“I guess so,” Wade pants, and the Captain nods. “Here,” he says and hands him one of the shields.

“Thanks,” Wade says hoarsely. It perfectly fits his hands, now that they’re back, but it still looks wrong.

“They’re coming from all sides,” the Captain says with a look around, and Wade is actually stunned by how heroic he looks just by doing that. He did all those good deeds, yet _this_ was the true hero, putting up a fight when clearly the aliens were winning. Dead bodies all around. Be cynical all you want, but Wade could never stand a chance against someone like Captain America.

“Over there,” he says, bringing Wade back to reality, “do you see that mountain?”

“Yes, sir,” Wade answers.

“They’re about to take it. We can’t let that happen.” The Captain slides his shield into attacking mode, and Wade does the same. “Come on,” he says, “help me keep that one clean.”

“Yes, sir.”

They make their way through the battlefield to said mountain, a lonely rock in a desert landscape with purple skies. Those aliens are everywhere, and Wade can hardly run, but he manages to follow the Captain like a grotesque shadow, fighting off enemies right and left as he goes.

That damn tunnel vision. That heartrate, that respiration, that desperate and probably useless attempt to save one single station in battle – Wade hates all of this. It violently reminds him what it was like to fight in actual wars where there were no superheroes and aliens, just madmen with weapons and some stupid ass reason to fight.

“Watch out!” he calls and throws himself in front of the Captain, taking a fang from one alien before decapitating it. He hisses at the pain, but the adrenaline almost completely kills it off.

“Thanks,” the Captain says and helps him to his feet. “Can you walk? Come on, come on, the summit is not that far anymore.”

Wade pants and runs upwards, slaughtering another alien beast.

Just what kind of fairytale was this?

“Where am I?” he whimpers, letting himself be violently pushed against the orange stone wall. “Don’t move,” the Captain adjures, and the fight inside his eyes makes Wade want to cry. Over the broad shoulders, he sees another row of aliens storming towards them – and watches the Captain make a decision.

“Go inside while I fight them off,” he says, shoving Wade into a rock crevice. Alone?

“No,” Wade says, trying to take his hand, and the Captain falters, face softening. He nods and follows Wade inside. A small cave, not going all too far into the mountain. They could lure them in here, Wade thinks, body tension so high it’s close to ripping his flesh apart.

“Come and get me,” he calls, but the aliens just jump against the mountain. “The rumbling is not a good sign, huh?” Wade pants, shield still up, when the cave’s ceiling gives in and starts crumbling. Breaking.

“Out the way,” he hears the Captain call. Then he’s pushed aside.

When the dust thins out, Wade is able to breathe again, but he still coughs frantically. His neck is hoarse with dust and dirt, and his surroundings are pitch-black.

“Hello?” he calls into the darkness, but it’s so quiet he can barely hear himself. The rock had given in, but they weren’t buried. Were they?

“Cap?” Wade whispers and crawls forward. He feels a soft hand touch his own on the ground. “Captain?” he asks again and trails his shaking fingers along the arm, up, up, to the broad shoulders, the strong neck – pulse is barely there – the beautiful head. It’s warm from blood.

Wade panics, breathing getting short and rapid. “No… no, no, no.” Cautiously, he heaves the torso upwards, making a few small rocks crumble down the pile that separates them from the outside. It sounds damn solid, not a single ray of light comes in.

The body is heavy on Wade’s own.

“Captain,” he says quietly, cupping the face in his hands. One of the rocks probably hit his head when he was… “You saved me, you idiot,” Wade cries, pulling his mask upwards. “You idiot, I can regenerate. Don’t jump in front of me, you bastard…”

Shaking, but unable to cry tears, Wade slumps down, powerless. He tries to heave to rocks away, but quickly stops. Somewhere on the outside, there’s an explosion. The Captain still doesn’t wake up.

“Come on,” Wade cries and falls to his knees again, hands searching the dusty body. “Come on,” he mumbles and throws weary fists to the strong chest.

“What kind of fucked up fairytale is this?” he yells against the ceiling, not caring if it might collapse for good. Like Samwise once held Frodo, he now holds Captain America, cradling him in the dark of some planet’s cave.

Oxygen is already getting lower.

He can’t let him die here. He cannot turn the page as long as his man lies in his arms.

They stay like this for what feels like an eternity, and Wade adjusts to the terror of the situation. Utterly helpless, but calmer than before, he squeezes his eyes shut, wanting to shut out all this nonsense, locking everything out, and presses a gentle kiss to Rogers’ hair.

“I will stay,” he says softly. A weary breath leaves Rogers’ mouth, and Wade bends down to catch his lips in a weary kiss. “I will stay,” he whispers against them. “I will stay.”

With a loud gasp, Wade jumps – in a bed. A warm, soft, fluffy bed. Startled, he breathes in. It smells of cinnamon. But this is his flat, undoubtedly, a look around confirms it. It’s his street, there’s snow falling outside. And sparse Christmas decoration inside. “I didn’t decorate for Christmas,” Wade says to himself. Gasping from exertion, he collapses into the pillows.

Rogers is gone. Was this a dream? Is he still dreaming?

Wade reaches up to touch his lips. “Or did I really…”

Naturally, he can’t catch a break: The door rings, and he tumbles out of the red blanket around his legs to get it. Normally he’d be annoyed, but he feels too tired, too numb to complain now. Images of further bullshit unfold in his mind. His head hurts.

It continues to hurt when Wade opens the door to find it was a sweater-wearing Chris Evans who rang the bell, back-lit by the warm light from the corridor.

“Captain America?” Wade whispers, eyes narrowed in headache. Evans smirks and says, “I wish. Here, got your parcel. You were gone when the mail arrived, so they gave it to me. Just in time for Christmas Eve.”

Wade accepts the small packet he’s handed and quietly thanks him. He doesn’t even look at it – these blue eyes have him captivated. As does the fucking Hallmark cream-colored knitted sweater. Evans looks like a literal angel. A very much alive angel. Everything is so calm all of a sudden, so… mundane.

Evans raises his eyebrows. “Am I interrupting anything?” he asks.

Wade blinks in adoration. “No. Why?”

“Because of the… suit?” Evans gestures towards the Deadpool costume. Oh. With remorse, Wade realizes he must look like a creepy Santa. He also remembers that his face is uncovered. He touches it carefully. Does Captain America mind the scars? “You’re my neighbor. Steve Rogers,” Wade mumbles. He feels a disbelieving smile creep onto his screwed skin, chasing away the pain.

But his neighbor’s eyes are full of concern. “Wade, are you all right?”

“Generally speaking? Right now? Yeah. Thanks for asking that,” Wade answers, finally getting a grip as he recovers from the sweet and familiar sounding tone. Wow, they’re neighbors. _Neighbors_.

“I was fucking miserable just minutes ago, but not anymore, oh my God.”

“Wade?” Evans asks, concern written all over his face. He steps closer. “What is it? Do you wanna talk?”

“N-no.”

“Is there anything I can get you? Just tell me.”

Those persistent blue eyes are very hard to lie to, Wade finds. He laughs shakily. His knees are close to giving in. “I know,” he nods. “I know. Maybe Wanda Maximoff is giving me an illusion or so.”

“Wanda?” Rogers asks. “What about her?”

“I think she’s dating Vision,” Wade says absently, and Rogers’ face lights up. “You’re already the third person to tell me that!” he says, obviously trying to cheer Wade up. “Why am I always the last one getting the news?”

“Don’t mind the gossip, old man, it’s not important anyways,” Wade says.

Rogers sighs, but it’s bittersweet. With raised eyebrows, he looks behind him into the corridor. And when he turns around again, he gives Wade the cutest smile ever, the one with the half-lidded gaze. “Shall I come in?” he asks softly. Wade’s head spins, screaming of happiness.

_Oh, wow. Is this my reward?_

Must be.

Desperate and touch-starved, unable to process his bliss, Wade all but whispers when he answers, “Yes, please,” and instantly kisses him, letting the parcel drop to the floor – his hands are placed much better on Captain America’s cheeks and soft lips. He’s kissed back just as eagerly, and warm arms wrapped around his body invite him to melt into the touch. He pants. There’s a George Michael song playing in the distance, steady and unchanged, like a bookmark that Wade would surely use to get back to _this_ page of the book.

“I’m sorry for what you’ve been through,” Steve whispers in-between kisses, running a gentle thumb over Wade’s wet cheeks. “Don’t cry.”

“Sorry,” Wade whimpers, not knowing what to say. “This just feels too good to be fake.”

Steve smiles. “True,” he says and kisses him again. They fall onto the couch where Steve helps Wade to get out of the red suit to caresses his scarred chest. “I never knew you were into those costume things,” Steve chuckles, and Wade could not care less. They kiss through it, warm, soft, safe – until –

_Ding._

“Sounds like dinner’s ready,” Steve smiles against Wade’s lips, who gasps, “My mac’n’cheese! Let me get that real quick.”

“Okay,” Steve murmurs, pecking Wade before falling onto the couch where he waits with dark eyes. Wade shivers, walking backwards into the kitchen. “Wow,” he utters to himself. “Wow. Wow – if I’m gonna say wow one more time, Owen Wilson is going to appear in the bathroom mirror.”

He turns around to get the plate out of the microwave, stumbling back to the couch where he eats it, together with Steve Rogers. Warm, safe. Having his neck caressed, having his forehead kissed. Later that day, they open that neatly delivered parcel together. It’s a storybook, and Wade almost lets it fall to the ground, haunted.

“Who sent that? Don’t you want to read it?” Steve asks, hand stroking Wade’s cheek.

Wade swallows. “Naah,” he says and snuggles up to him. That sweater is really fucking soft. “Don’t you want to read it?” Steve’s soft voice repeats.

“Maybe later. Sorry,” Wade sighs, eyes falling shut, “but it’s the end of the decade, you know? And you’re here with me.” He smiles, feeling sleep taking over his body, all fear oozing out of it to leave only warmth and affection. “I just want to indulge. This is my fairytale,” he says.

Steve bends down to kiss his head. “All right,” he says, “then it is.”

Yes, Wade thinks, it’s all right, even if it’s just for now. He’s all right.

“Oh my God, I am sorry for what happened!”

Wade screams at the sound of that thundering voice, holding tightly onto Steve Rogers as he startles.

“Rob? Rob Reiner, are you there? Listen, I’m sorry for sending you into a literal war zone, I honestly did not know. Are you all right? Rob Reiner!”

“’Rob Reiner’? Who says that?” Steve asks, brows furrowing deeply as he glares at the storybook on the carpet. “Does it talk to you?” he asks Wade with irritation, not caring how loud he’s speaking.

“Err…”

“Red Rob,” the mermaid’s voice sings, making the book rumble, “if you can hear us, please answer.”

“We’re wasting our time,” Cinderella’s voice groans.

“I honest to God do not care, this is too much fun,” laughs another one. “Hawkeye,” Wade gasps absently.

“He is there,” the Black Widow argues, “I am sure.”

“Who are you guys?” Steve asks aloud, and Wade struggles to get the book into his hands before Steve does. “Listen,” he whispers in a sharp tone, “this is really crazy stuff.”

“Yeah,” Steve shrugs, “I can hear that. It’s amazing what technology can do these days.”

“Who is this?” Cinderella’s voice asks from between the pages. “I am Steve Rogers,” says Steve Rogers, very politely so, while making Wade face palm himself with the book.

“Steve Rogers,” Rapunzel’s voice asks firmly, “do you know Rob Reiner?”

“The director of The Princess Bride?” Steve asks in confusion, unable to be shushed by Wade. The book’s pages shudder with magic. Oh, this is going to be wonderful. Clinging onto the faint hope that they were only here to give him back his swords, Wade opens the book.


End file.
